Road to Purity

The popular word for this is called C-E-L-I-B-A-C-Y. Meanwhile, I prefer to call it ‘Purity Journey’ or ‘Road to Purity’ because I think people see celibacy as not getting the sex when it should actually be you starving yourself from the sex. Not getting sex is different from having it right on your table and sternly telling it, “I Don’t Want!”

Like every road on the streets, there are; potholes, bumps, sharp turns, sometimes narrow, other times wider and smooth. And like every journey in life, there are; self-discoveries, sense of self-worth, chills, thrills, challenges, obstacles, regression, progression, time to reflect, refuel, etc. All of these descriptions and more is exactly how my journey to staying pure have been. No lies, it’s been a struggle, but I have a spirit-man that is constantly awakening my soul to do better.

My decision to staying pure was made after I broke up in August 2016 with my first boyfriend of few years. I had come to the full realization that sex does not necessarily sustain a relationship like many people believe or would say. Not that we didn’t possess other qualities to keep the relationship fire burning, however sex was part of what kept us going, since we were in a distant relationship. I made the decision when I told my mom that we broke up. I had called my mom to let her what happened, and she asked me to come home.

Mom: these things happen but it will get better.

Me: *crying* but I love him. This isn’t fair. I was really hoping he’d be the only one i would have to love all my life.

Mom: well, it will be alright. I hope you weren’t sexually active with him?.

Me: *in my head* ‘we have been together for too long for you to think we haven’t been having sex. With my head bowed; yes, I have been having sex with him .

My mom so  disappointed and furious yet trying to be calm because she didn’t want to be insensitive to the pain I was feeling at that moment.

Mom:  And you didn’t tell me. Are you serious? Why would you have sex with a man you are not married to. With all the life lessons I have shared with you. You don’t need to look far to know all of this, a lot have happened to people around you and that’s where you should be learning from. Well, you will be alright…

At midnight, I heard my mom crying while she was praying and asking God to forgive her for not raising me right. I could not comprehend it. Why is she crying? Why is she the one asking God for forgiveness? Why does she think she didn’t raise me right because I had sex? It was this event that led me into making a ‘so-called promise’ to myself. A promise I have not genuinely upheld. I have found myself in different compromising situations, trying to work or build a relationship just because I was not true to myself or my promise. Now, that I’m genuinely waiting, I’m learning that it is easy to dwell on the loneliness when you are trying to honor the gift of sex and wait until marriage. But I know that the worst loneliness lies in the aftermath of compromise.  

Here are my Tobi’s nuggets; if you have not been deflowered and you genuinely want to wait, do not let anyone compel you into giving it up (I’m referring to both my ladies and gents). I know virgins of both genders, some who are close relations. For those who are actively sexual, please use protections. As an epidemiologist, I like to over emphasize the use of protections. Keep your condoms in your wallets! Now, if you have given it up at one point or the other and you’re thinking of ‘reclaiming’ it and want to wait just like me. I’d like you to know it can be difficult but achievable, you just have to be determined to be governed by your VALUES, not your heart.

Purity has values!!!

And here is how I try to remind myself that the journey is worth it. I always remember that, my road to purity;

  • Is a process, because I still mess up and have to get back on track…
  • Is governed by its values or I might forget that I have a promise to keep to myself (it is very important to maintain some mystique!).
  • Allows me to dream of the future, because it will keep my marriage fresh. (I have a desire to be married one day). I dream about my marriage and that keeps me falling in love with ‘my life partner I’m yet to meet’ or maybe we have met, and I don’t know.
  • Speaks boldly so that I can keep my life partner on track spiritually while he does the same for me.
  • Watches burning flames. My mom is my favorite burning flame. She has been faithful to me and has helped me to make right choices throughout my life’s journey.
  • Embraces wise guidance because I am still learning who I am through my singleness and how that fits into who my life partner is.
  • Helps me to love my creator at all cost. My road to purity is a covenant relationship with God. My faithfulness to God is a portrait of what my faithfulness will be to my life partner.

Let it be known that I don’t led a perfect life. However, my spiritual motto is “my sins are great, but His love is GREATER”. So, what can separate me from the love of Christ? NOTHING

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Be You!

yourself

Do you know that the best thing you can ever do for yourself, is to love yourself and do you. Self love is very awesome! One of the things I have learned about the society is that; you can never always fit in. And the hardest battle you will ever fight, is the battle of just being you. You don’t have to always fit into other people’s way of life just to feel among.

One thing, I know for a sure is that; not everyone will truly understand who you really are. No matter what you do, some people will never take you serious and will always overlook you. Worry less because that is normal! You are not made for everyone. We are different people with different perspectives about life.

You should learn to live by your own values and beliefs. Know your worth and what you are living for. Never feel like you owe anyone anything. Do not give people the opportunity to steal your happiness from you, with their own opinions. Stay real, true and happy always!

The fact remains that no matter what you do and how real you are, some people will still see you as “fake”. They do not see the real you because of what they have heard about you or probably because they refused to get know who you really are. Not to worry child, I always tell myself that, those kind of people are not designed to see the real me and not everyone can handle my type of greatness (You should use this too). Make sure you stay loyal to the people who are worth it but be careful because you might never get that it.

You don’t always have to prove yourself to people neither should you fight too hard to win a spot in anyone’s life. Truth be told, true love and true friendships come natural, you don’t have to fight for it. People who truly want you as part of their lives and not for the sake of benefiting from you, would gladly accept you for you with all your flaws and imperfections. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

Set the people who treat you with certain limits FREE! LET THEM GO!!!

Move on, if you feel you are not wanted by someone. There’s so much in you, that you would not always need a certain people around to make you feel good, happy or better about yourself. Be good to people always, but do not waste your time trying to prove that to anyone. Save your energy for the ones who truly appreciate you. Surround yourself with like minds and awesome people like you. If you don’t find, stay alone and never feel lonely because you are really not alone.

Love yourself, treat yourself like the best thing that has ever happened to you. It takes a lot to love oneself, but you have to keep loving yourself because self love is a great source of strength and happiness from within. Nothing makes you more confidant and fulfilled than that! You are good enough for you. BElieve in YOUrself, BE YOU!